The Insanity

Today I am at my wits' end. My friend is very sick. She has numerous nasty symptoms and doesn't know what is wrong with her. Well, that's not exactly true. She knows that she lived for months next to a burn pit while deployed. She knows that before she left that location she started exhibiting just a small number of symptoms. She knows that over the last two years since she's been back the symptoms have multiplied and intensified to the point that she can't work at all. She knows the burn pit was the culprit, she just doesn't know what to do to get well. And the damn people who are supposed to be helping her find a cure are doing their best to throw up every roadblock imaginable. At one point a doctor tried to prescribe anti-depressants because he thought she was imagining all her symptoms.

Now, I'm not so naive that I think these people are evil. I know they are being directed, through miles of red tape and volumes of rules and regulations, to keep anyone from acknowledging that the burn pit causes severe health problems for our military members. But it seems no one has informed these medical so-called professionals that the Department of Defense has finally admitted this is the issue. They are a long way from finding the answers for these enlisted people who are suffering, but at least they're now willing to study the issue.

If this poor young woman doesn't get sent to the States soon so that she can get the tests run that she so desperately needs, I may start some sort of a campaign against the medical group that is causing all this unnecessary pain and suffering. They can't possibly be able to live with themselves knowing what they're doing to her and others like her. But maybe they don't know. Maybe that's my job -- to inform them.

I know this is not the most eloquently written blog, but I'm just so mad right now and I have to get it out. Maybe I'll go back and edit/rewrite later. For now, this is what I've got.

Happiness wins

My friend presented me with an offer I couldn't resist. So now I'm going to try this blog thing and see what happens next.

Last weekend was a mixture of happiness and disappointment.

On Saturday night, I was up for an annual award as a civilian employee. It was something to which I had been looking forward for several months. I had purchased a new dress, scheduled appointments, reserved a hotel room, and hired the all-important overnight baby-sitter.

After spending the day practicing for the event and getting my hair done, I returned home to find that my dear husband had not listened to my request to wash two specific things. Instead, he had heard, "Do two loads of laundry." Rather than calling to ask for details on the request, he assumed I had some unknowable reason for asking him to complete such a pointless task. He missed washing the shirt he needed to wear that evening and the blanket that our daughter needed to take on her sleep-over. He also waited until two hours before we were supposed to be at the event to discover that he didn't have a very important piece of his newly purchased formal uniform.

As you might expect, I overreacted to these issues before realizing that they weren't exactly issues. It was, after all, my special evening and he wasn't taking it seriously at all. To his credit, he ironed his unwashed shirt and it worked fine. He convinced our daughter to take a different blanket. And because he has mad skills at coming through in the proverbial pinch, he succeeded in borrowing the missing item from a colleague who just happened to be going to the base right before the event.

He also had stayed home with our daughter while I was gone the entire morning and part of the afternoon. And he did give her a bath and get her fed.

At the time, however, I felt completely justified in my anger. It wasn't until much later, after he had gotten me two or three glasses of wine, a decedent dessert, and was rubbing the back of my neck as they announced the award winner -- and it wasn't me -- that I realized how unimportant the anger and stress had been.

Although I really was disappointed at not winning the big prize, I was very thankful to have a date night with my husband. It had been a long time, too long really, since we had spent an entire evening together having fun. We went to the lounge after the event and had another drink while talking and laughing with friends. We danced like rock stars and walked hand in hand back to our hotel room to romp like the kids we used to be.

Sometimes I get too wrapped up in what should be because I have a picture in my head of what I think it should be. It's only when I let go and don't know exactly what it should be that I can truly enjoy what it is. Thank God my husband is getting good at reminding me of this, regularly.